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When we are feeling down, defeated, hopeless, the battle we are going through often isn’t fueled by the words or actions of others, and it isn’t fueled by what did or didn’t happen. It’s often fueled by our mind that gives negativity a voice.

One of the things that can be the most challenging about the holidays is that while there is so much possibility for delight, joy, connection, and fullness (of both the heart and the belly); for many people, there is also the possibility for grief, anxiety, pain, and loneliness. For many, this holiday will be a remembrance of lost loved ones, or a  reminder of family brokenness, or a realization that there is not nearly enough to go around. 

There is not a comprehensive manual that details how you can thrive in life. There’s certainly not a one size fits all playbook for excelling in your career and no step-by-step guide to building the business of your dreams. We do have access to an abundance of information in every form imaginable with advice, guidance, strategies and formulas for success and happiness. Trust me, I’ve read, listened to, heard, and tried most of them.

Recently, I logged into our wifi network and noticed some other neighboring networks that popped up. One was labeled “NOT YOURS.”  I had to giggle because it was blatant and quite creative and funny. It triggered my thoughts to consider how it relates to our relationships.

I lived on a small farm with a milk cow when I was little. Twice each day, my dad would milk Bessie. I loved to watch and wanted to help but my hands were too tiny. Daddy would sit on a three-legged stool, put a bucket under the cow, rest the top of his head against her side and squeeze her teats releasing warm yummy milk. Bessie didn’t always stand still and sometimes Daddy had to catch himself before he tipped over. Fortunately, the three legs of the stool held well and he didn’t fall.

What type of creative expression have you always wanted to pursue? What do you do that makes your heart soar? What fills your cup? What can you do for hours on end and not count the hours or even know you have passed the time? Do you have the answer yet? Maybe you do. Or, maybe, it’s something you have yet to discover.

Because we live in a very Judeo-Christian culture, and because all of the counselors at Arise are Christians… we often draw wisdom and insight from Biblical ideas and themes. At the same time though, I know so many people who have been beat up and burned by Bible passages, so I’m always a little wary of sharing them in the context of counseling without a little bit of a disclaimer. The reason I want to share this specific piece of wisdom though is because I think it is one of the single most important ideas that anyone can learn in life. So if you’ll allow a few minutes, I’ll try to explain what this idea is, and how it can make a huge impact on your life.

As an individual, we are a part of so many systems. A family system, social system, cultural
system, religious system and so on. Sometimes, it is easy to forget how much that system
impacts us and vice versa. This week I want to focus on the family system and really break down
what is means to be a part of a whole.

What is the ultimate goal in marriage? This sounds like a broad question with a wide array of answers. To live happily ever after, to have a life partner, for companionship, to share responsibilities, to carry on the tradition, to meet expectations, to not be alone, to have an adventure buddy because you have a lot in common, for the excitement, to prove someone wrong, to have children, to contribute to society and of course because you love each other. It is human nature to seek love.

Every one of us is familiar with energy drains. Sometimes, there’s that person or thing that drains our energy in one fail swoop, and other times, it’s more of a low-grade energy drain that we don’t realize is happening until we end up feeling completely exhausted. There are energy zappers all around us, and we must be aware of what is draining us so that we have high levels of energy to spend on the people and the things that matter most to us in life.

“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” (Psychologist Alice Miller).