I have always had mixed feelings about the “Mama Bear” analogy. As a mom, I understand the overwhelming instinct to LOVE and PROTECT your child from all harm. When I found out I was pregnant, I remember the very distinct and undeniable feelings that rose inside me like a raging fire; the intensity of them felt both shocking and exhilarating. Before I ever felt the first sweet flutter, gentle kick, or saw her perfect little face, I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could and would lay my life down, if needed, for this little person. As soon as I held my sweet bundle of joy, my heart was filled completely and unconditionally with love for her. Deep in the pit of my stomach, another feeling was forming and rising, an overwhelming feeling to keep her safe and to protect her from all pain and heartache. The feeling of course subsided a bit after the pain and adrenaline dissipated, but the first sign of trouble or threat and I sensed it, right there under the surface ready to take action.
You know the feeling? Sure you do, you LOVE your babies and you would PROTECT them at all cost. If it’s a natural instinct we have as moms to love and protect our children then why does the label “Mama Bear” come with negative connotations? Why do I feel conflicted about the term?
I prayed many years for my first little one to arrive, and if God said I was ready then I must have been, right? As moms, we place great burdens on ourselves to DO it all and BE everything for our children. We don’t just expect to be average at our roles, we expect to be the very best. We strive to be the Cordon Bleu chef with a degree in nutrition, the experienced teacher with the patience of Mother Teresa, the exemplary police officer who upholds peace and fairness in the household, the doctor who can diagnose every alignment and make it all better, the fun adventurer, the playmate, the unconditional cheerleader, spiritual guide and mentor. Wow, and the list is even longer. So much responsibility and pressure.
I would quickly tell you that being a mom is one of my greatest blessings. I image so would you. It was the one thing I wanted to do really well, and I have never wavered from that desire. I didn’t want to make mistakes. Does all that resonate with you? Of course it does, it does with most moms. I am a rational woman just like you. I believe, wholeheartedly, in the power of God’s grace and mercy. Afterall, I am a flawed human being and have made many, many mistakes, which means I have experienced God’s love and grace many times. Messing-up as a mom seemed different though, too important. After all, you are responsible for another human being. That, my friend, is SOBERING.
In the age of information, the web bombards us with parenting dos and don’ts. We see and read about all those perfect mom moments that our friends post on Facebook or Insta. Through a simple Google search, you can find all sorts of things about parenting which could be advisable or inadvisable. We have so much information and resources at our fingertips that it is very easy to get sucked into thinking you have to get it right all the time. WRONG my fellow moms! There is no mercy or grace in thinking we can do it all, know it all, all the time. It’s part of the SHAME AND BLAME game. It often comes in the form of comparing ourselves as moms to other moms and feeling like we should keep up. All the striving and comparing leaves us feeling completely exhausted and guilt ridden. Then the extreme happens, great moms become over”bear”ing MAMA BEARS! Sometimes mama bears look ferocious and they roar, attack, and act indignant. Other times, they grit their teeth and grin, but you see it under the surface ready to come out.
There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with loving and protecting our children. After all, we have all been selected by God to be our childrens’ mother, nurturer, protector, teacher, advocate, guide, and role model. All these roles are good, noble things, and even critical to the physical, emotional and spiritual well being of our little ones. God Chose Me, God Chose You! He chose me, and He chose everyone of you despite all of our imperfections and shortcomings. It’s when we let our love and need to protect become their own entity, greater than anything, when they become our idols, our focus, that the bear surfaces. It’s our need to be okay and let’s just admit it be “in control” that causes us to “lose control”. Because somehow if your children are not okay, then you are not okay. We hear the message loud and clear in our heads- “you failed, came up short on your calling to LOVE and PROTECT your child.” SO NOT TRUE! When those messages come give yourself grace. Its makes perfect sense that sometimes we would want to take over and control our universe in order to protect the people we love. On some level, we know this is impossible, but that doesn’t stop us from trying.
My beautiful sister, fellow mom. You have not failed. I have not failed. We have to recognize and admit that sometimes we intervene so we don’t have to endure the discomfort of the pain. Their pain but also ours. Out of our own need for our children to be okay and not feel pain, we intervene and short-circuit the opportunity for our kids to experience, and to learn. Why? Because we would all love to just LOVE our children and not live in a world where we have to PROTECT them from the possibility of so much pain.
So the next time you feel your mama bear rising; Stop. Reassess the situation. Ask yourself, how can I use this opportunity to teach, how can I come alongside my child and the situation, redirect it, make it a learning experience, and minimize the pain? Take a deep breath and allow grace and mercy to lead you. You ARE an awesome mom!
-Tundi