Let’s talk.
You know the argument. The one that comes up every few weeks or so. You know every time you bring up how late your partner has been working lately or the kids’ grades, something is about to go down.
Or perhaps you know not to bring up the topic of your time bomb of a car loan because a fight will most definitely ensue. Or maybe every decent conversation with your significant other somehow turns into an argument because one of you always has to be right and you’re just exhausted.
These may be signs that there is room for improvement in communication skills!
Oftentimes, it’s thought that good communication is based solely on how well you can express your concerns to your partner and fully explain how they made you upset – that if you can write up an award winning speech and tell them exactly what’s bothering you or what they’re doing, that will fix everything. While clear expression is important, that’s just one half of the equation. A healthy relationship involves feeling safe to communicate with your partner and, in turn, listening to hear instead of listening to respond. If both of you are talking at each other and neither is listening to the other, where’s the benefit?
A common issue with communication between partners is the desire to win the argument rather than listen to the other person’s thoughts and concerns to fix whatever problem is at hand. We call this “Yeah, But” Syndrome.
The “Yeah, But” Syndrome kicks in when we hear enough to sink our teeth into an argument we believe we can win. Loosely translated, “yeah, but…” means “I heard all I want to hear and spent the rest of that time formulating my argument.”
Ask yourself the following question: Are you focusing on listening to your partner, trying to be heard or being right??
-Marci