If we have learned anything this year, it is that plans change. Many people have had vacations, weddings, reunions, and other family events scheduled or cancelled. COVID has made us all very flexible people! We have learned to hold lightly to our plans this year, and the adjustments we’ve had to make have undoubtedly caused disappointment in us. Disappointment is the space between expectations and reality. When what we believe will or
should happen doesn’t, we are often left feeling very sad. Processing through emotions related to disappointment is important, whether through talking with a therapist or trusted loved one. Other tips for coping with disappointment are as followed:
- Get rid of your timelines – Just because something isn’t happening now does not mean it won’t happen. We often want what we want immediately and are disappointed when things don’t occur when we believe they should. Allow things in your life to take time.
- Don’t compare yourself to others – We sometimes feel like we are in a race with peers to achieve something. Whether it’s a job promotion, life milestones, or material possessions, it’s easy to feel like we need to compete with those around us. Remember that we each have different paths in our lives. Remind yourself that what is happening in other peoples’ lives around you has nothing to do with you – you are on your own path and have your own timing to your life.
- Make the most of the delay or cancellation – While it is definitely upsetting to have plans change, particularly when it’s something you have looked forward to or planned for a long time, having a positive mindset makes it more bearable. Many people have had to postpone their big weddings due to COVID, but it has been encouraging to see
those who have had “little weddings” during this year and then planning a big reception in the future, making the best of their situation. For some who choose to wait to get married until next year, many people are using the time to go back to school, work on decorating their home…essentially making the most of their delay. - Focus on the Present – Focus on how you want to feel in the moment, rather than how you think you’ll feel when you get what you want. In counseling, we call this “here and now functioning”. We can sometimes set ourselves up for disappointment when we
believe that there is something we must have in order to be happy (can be a person or thing). However, people’s satisfaction with things are often short lived. Focus on the present and what you do already have, practicing gratitude. - Regular Meditation – Take time to sit with yourself, even if for only 10 minutes, and let go of striving towards goals. Work on letting go of your expectations about something you are trying to create in your life and just work on being present.
Dealing with disappointments is not easy, especially when “let downs” continue to pile up in your life. However, using some of these tools will hopefully help you to endure the pain and peacefully work through your emotions.
– Cameron Butler Wooten, LPC, LMFT
–
–