Have you ever been in a situation where you were around people you hadn’t seen in a really long time? I’ve experienced a few of those. The one that stands out the most to me was a high school reunion I attended around ten years ago. It was the 40th reunion for the class just ahead of mine, but they invited our class and the two classes ahead of them to attend as well. Although it was great seeing all the people that I hadn’t seen in forever, the things that stood out the most, both to me and all those around me, were the memories from the past that kept coming up. Things that had been so impactful to some didn’t even seem to show up as a minor blip on someone else’s radar screen.
Take for instance a girl from our class who had turned into a really beautiful woman. She was approached by a woman from the class above us and asked to help solve the question of who a male member of their class had dated from our class. This woman was sure he had dated a younger classmate, and they had been arguing about it. As it turned out, the girl he had dated was the woman she asked to help solve the mystery. Neither had recognized her. Her husband jokingly said, “Boy, you made an impression on him.”
Then there was an upper class female I had run into when we were just five years out of high school. We both were married and living in a different state on an air force base. However, my then husband was enlisted and hers was an officer. The woman, whom I thought had been my friend our three years together in high school, was quick to tell me that we could not socialize because enlisted men and officers weren’t supposed to mix. Although I understood what she was saying, the incident had been very hurtful to me at the time. I was expecting our friendship to outweigh that requirement. When I saw her at the reunion, I reminded her that we had lived in the same town where the air force base was located years before. She not only did not remember running into me at the base but failed to even remember me from our three years together in school.
Our encounters with others, large or small, always have impact. As a mental health therapist, I teach my clients about the impact that their words and behavior have on others. It is important to be aware of those things we say and do which could wound someone. It is even more important to pay attention to our words and behaviors that have the capacity to lift others up. I encountered quite a few of those during the course of the reunion as well. It was great to tell someone that they looked the same in spite of the time passing. It was also great to smile and hug people who I was truly glad to have in my life again if only for a short period of time.
The bottom line is, we can choose to live our lives being mean and hateful to others or wrapped up in only what we want for ourselves. Or, we can choose to notice others and be sensitive to how our words and behaviors may affect them. If we choose the latter, then we can make our lives and the lives of those around us maybe just a little better. Which one will you choose?
-Janice