One of the most important things we can accomplish in life is learning how to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Relationships consist of three living, breathing parts – each partner and the relationship. When each partner focuses on and practices the individual work to be done, the relationship will grow. That work involves the following:
Being Self-Aware
The healthiest relationships are ones where each person is focusing on becoming the best person they can be. In order to do so, we must understand our early life history because all communication and actions are filtered through it. Relationship problems occur when individual histories are not understood and acknowledged. Everyone has “triggers” which elicit an emotional response. Some people are comfortable with the expression of strong emotions and others avoid them like the plague. The more we can understand ourselves, and work towards understanding our partner, the more likely we are to have a healthy relationship. Figure out how to approach those sensitive issues with each other.
Engaging in Healthy Communication
When we are able to listen and respond with understanding and caring, relationships grow stronger and deeper. Listen fully to what your partner is saying without focusing on what you want to say to make your point. Clarify, if needed, what was said in order to be sure that you understand what your partner meant. Being clear about what was said, as well as how someone feels about what they said, is essential. Also, the willingness to change your position once you have all the facts and truly understand the others’ perspective increases the chances that your relationship will grow stronger. Winning is not important when understanding is the key.
Being Trustworthy
Think about the most dependable person that you know. What makes them worthy of your trust? Do they keep their promises and show up when you need them? Trust is built through words and actions which show that someone cares enough to be there for you. In relationships, both partners must practice building that trust. Trust grows when you show each other, over time, that you can be depended upon to listen, understand, and be supportive. Being supportive also means being willing to be honest with each other, in a caring way, when you are concerned that your partner is heading in the wrong direction.
Choosing to Love Instead of Wanting to Control
Why should we choose to love our partner instead of trying to control them? In the Living Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 tells us that “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.” Focusing on your partner and your relationship gives you the opportunity to express your love while striving to achieve God’s definition of love. Choosing to love always focuses on each partner and the relationship.
The healthiest relationships are those where each partner is supportive and respectful of the other. No one is always in charge while the other has no say at all. Both are willing to put in the time and effort to make the relationship stronger. They know that it can’t be taken for granted. The more you practice with and understand each other, the deeper and healthier your relationship will become. Choose to practice the four keys above and then enjoy your healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationship.
-Janice