Memories of every experience we have ever had are stored in our subconscious mind, along with a belief system formed by our perception of those experiences. These records play in the background of our mind fueling healthy and unhealthy responses. Often we become comfortable with the unhealthy reactions because it feels normal, or we haven’t realized other options, and we continue to show up in life the way we have been programmed. Consider the difference between reacting and responding and the effects it has on the wellbeing of our soul (mind, will, emotions). Reacting is an automatic response like throwing gasoline on a fire, but the best approach is responding, which is a thoughtful action like reviewing a recipe before adding ingredients. It is the difference between being impulsive and intentional, and the outcomes couldn’t be more different.
In my life I have been through a lot of healing for rejection and abandonment issues that first started at birth when I was adopted. It isn’t always a matter of if we will ever wrestle with the old records, but it is a matter of if we react or respond, and then how long we choose to let it linger that indicates our level of spiritual, emotional, and mental maturity. We can choose to stay stuck or allow our conflicts to lead us to deeper levels of transformation that record new beliefs and influence response. Recently, my daughter and I were texting one evening about something insignificant, and she stopped right in the middle of the conversation. I knew she was with friends, so I waited a couple hours, but I reacted with a little attitude in my text. I realized it and sent a more assertive text letting her know how I was feeling. She didn’t respond until the next day, and it was in the waiting that I started buying into the abandonment story again that tells me I will never have the family connection I so desire. Thankfully, I sensed God’s truth in it, and I RECOVERED and RESTORED (R&R for my soul).
When you have a pattern of reaction or lose your harmony and peace, here are the 4-R’s to recovery and restoration.
1) Recognize the patterns of reacting vs. responding and the beliefs that keep them there.
2) Repent – doesn’t mean to feel sorry and ashamed for your behavior, it means to change the way you think. Take ownership for what is your responsibility but then find the truth of your God given identity.
3) Replace – the lies with the truth and in each circumstance. How do you want to respond differently? It takes practice, practice, and more practice.
4) Remember – the truth! You are not defined by your past.
Look for my next blogs for more detail on the 4 R’s!
-Andra