If you’re like most people, you have lots of things on your mind this month. Whether it’s work, family, friends, or just the general stress of daily life, there are so many things going on during this season. For some people, it’s wonderful and magical; a welcome return to childhood traditions and memories and a chance to reconnect with loved ones and friends. For others, this is a season of heartbreak and challenge as they attempt to navigate around broken relationships or the pain of lost loved ones. No matter what this season brings for you, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed and lose track of what’s most important and in the midst of it all.
Since you’re probably so stressed and overwhelmed, this could be an easy opportunity for me to try to steer you towards some type of activity or concept that should be “most important”, like family, or faith, or mental health… but you’re probably swimming in a long list of “shoulds” right now that you already feel guilty about, so I’m not going to pile on. In fact, my hope in this blog is to give you a sort of guiding North star that will help you consistently navigate towards what’s most important to you, even in the midst of the craziness of the holiday season.
In the spirit of the season, you can find this guiding light, in the heart of the Christmas story. In the Gospel of Matthew, we get a peak into the story of Joseph, who was betrothed to Mary. When you think of being stressed and overwhelmed, and pulled in multiple directions, Joseph is the character in the Christmas story who embodies this experience the most. He’s a faithful and dutiful man, a good guy, who finds himself in an impossible situation. His fiancé has been found to be pregnant, and Joseph knows that he isn’t the father.
Because we’re so familiar with these stories, it’s easy to just gloss right over what an absolute bombshell of a revelation this would have been for Joseph. But anyone who has suffered the pain of infidelity in a relationship can attest to the fact that even the suspicion of a partner being unfaithful can absolutely destroy a relationship, and if its not handled with intention and care, the bitterness and hurt that it stirs up can divide entire families, and even disrupt the larger community surrounding them. Some of this reality can shed light on the harshness of the laws surrounding adultery in the ancient near east. According to the Law of their day, the penalty for what appeared to have happened was severe, but clear:
“If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.” Deuteronomy 22:22
Now, before you get too caught up how radically different our culture handles infidelity, just take a moment to consider the position that this puts Joseph in. One minute he is looking forward to his approaching marriage to this young woman he loves… he’s envisioning their marriage celebration, their future children, the many years they’ll spend together as husband and wife. And then, all of a sudden, he discovers evidence that she is pregnant and a flood of feelings overwhelms him: confusion, doubt, insecurity, betrayal, outrage, shame, and undoubtedly: fear.
Fear, not just because his life and future had just been thrown into chaos and uncertainty, but even more because of what this meant for Mary. And in this moment, we get a clear window into Joseph’s character, because while he’s aware of his own suffering, his primary motivation is compassion and care for the consequences of what this could mean for Mary.
Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. Matthew 1:19
What a terrible choice. Remember “expose her to public disgrace” means, potentially subject her to public execution at the hands of a local mob. And in his culture, Joseph would not only be justified in doing this, many would have judged him as being morally negligent by NOT doing it. But in spite of that, something powerful stirred in Joseph to try and save Mary from this terrible judgement, and he was planning on finding a way to quietly break the engagement, and let all parties save face.
What comes next though is what I’d really like to you to focus in on. You see, Joseph is trying to do the right thing. He’s stuck in the midst of this awful pressure of life, caught between the crushing forces of faith, duty, family, future, love, justice, self-preservation, and social pressure. Have you ever been there?
Being in one of these moments of intense pressure and suffering is so challenging, not only because of the pain and the stress that we experience physically, but also because we usually feel so isolated and alone as we go through it. Joseph was struggling and wrestling with these emotions, and he landed at a place of compassion and mercy for Mary… but does anyone see his suffering? Look what happens next:
But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus (the Lord is Salvation), for he will save his people from their sins. Matthew 1:20-21
“But as he considered these things…” It’s interesting timing right?
I’m sure after hearing the angel’s message Joseph was thinking, “You know God, you suppose this information may have been even more helpful if it came a LITTLE EARLIER?!?!” Joseph is over here losing sleep, stressing out, going gray early, sweating out the details of how to get out of this crazy situation, while all the while, God has the missing piece of information that could have brought peace in the midst of the storm. And this get’s to one of the biggest challenges that we all face in this life. When we experience suffering, hardship, and pain that is beyond our control or understanding, we all instinctively look for the simplest and quickest exit out of the painful, confusing, chaotic mess.
But maybe we’re missing the point. When we’re stressed and overwhelmed by life, its so so easy to look up into the heavens in confusion, doubt, fear and even resentment and wonder: if there’s an all-powerful, loving God out there, where in the world is He right now?!
When most people think about God, they tend to ground the concept in terms of power… God is all-powerful, able to do whatever He wants. This is comforting in one sense, because when I lack power, I know there is someone or something out there who can do what I can’t, but the challenge is, when you only think about an all-powerful god, it disconnects us and separates us from that same god when we experience our own powerlessness and vulnerability.
But something amazing happens when your ground your concept of God in a different primary attribute: which is love. A loving God still has immense power, but the use of that power is focused and directed by something much bigger and more glorious than mere power OVER the elemental forces of pain, fear, suffering and death. God’s love demonstrates its power over all the things that overwhelm and terrify us, by voluntarily choosing to go through them with us.
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Emmanuel” (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:22-23
When we ask ourselves, “Where in the world is an all-powerful, loving God, when I am going through suffering?!” The story of Christmas reminds us that the answer is: in the world suffering with us.
The idea of “Emmanuel,” or God being with us, is a central concept in Christianity, and it is especially meaningful during the holiday season. The celebration of Christmas marks the Incarnation, or the act of God becoming a human in the form of Jesus Christ. This profound act of love and humility serves as a reminder that God is not distant or removed from our human experience, but is present with us in all of our joys and sorrows. In God revealing Himself in this way, He demonstrates that His nature is one of compassion, which means “one who alleviates the suffering of another by entering into it with them.”
The belief in a loving and compassionate God, made manifest in the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, can help to cultivate a sense of self-compassion. It can remind us that we are not alone in our struggles, and that we are worthy of love and compassion, even when we are not at our best. When we believe that we are not alone, that there is a higher power not just watching over us and supporting us, but who in a real sense, has entered into our suffering… it can be easier to show ourselves the same kindness and understanding that we would extend to a loved one.
Self-compassion involves recognizing our own suffering and offering ourselves the same kindness, care, concern and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. It involves acknowledging that we are all human and that we all make mistakes, rather than judging ourselves harshly for our shortcomings. Practicing self-compassion can help us to be more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks, and can also lead to increased feelings of happiness and well-being. So take a moment to check in with yourself, and see how you can cultivate more self-compassion in your daily life.
As we celebrate the Christmas season, let us remember the idea of “Emmanuel” and the love and support that is always available to us. Take a moment to offer yourself some kindness and understanding, and see how it can help to improve your overall well-being.
In Love,
Jesse