When we are feeling down, defeated, hopeless, the battle we are going through often isn’t fueled by the words or actions of others, and it isn’t fueled by what did or didn’t happen. It’s often fueled by our mind that gives negativity a voice.

 

Believing in negative thoughts and acting on them is the single greatest barrier to living a good life. 

Our mind is our battleground. 

It’s the place where the fiercest and most ruthless conflict resides. It’s where half of the things we feared were going to happen, never actually happened. It’s where our expectations always get the best of us. It’s where we fall victim to our own train of thought time and time again. 

If we allow these self-defeating thoughts to dwell in our mind, they will succeed in robbing us of peace, joy, productivity, meaning, and ultimately our life. We can think ourselves into endless disappointment, heartache, and even depression. 

If we are going to experience true transformation, we must deal with our destructive thoughts and change the path that leads to this internal war. A fixed mindset keeps us fixated on what we already know and do instead of looking for paths to freedom, growth and transformation. While a growth mindset can be cultivated, it takes time and intentionality to take positive steps in a negative environment. 

Let’s think about it this way, we wouldn’t repeatedly put a simple band aid over a deep tissue wound and expect it to heal. Eventually we would be forced to tend to the wound the way it needs or suffer serious consequences. Once a flesh wound is tended to it however it generally heals and we are able to move on. Unlike a flesh wound, a soul wound can cause our mind to fester and repeat negative thoughts caused by the injury or our beliefs. If we get locked into this fixated mindset we will continue to reinjure ourselves on the battlefield of our mind in a war we wage ourselves against ourselves. 

We all have fixed mindset triggers that lead us to feeling inadequate and insecure when we encounter things that are difficult or when we receive negative criticism, but especially when those criticisms come from within. 

The good news is that we don’t however have to travel the same path to the same battleground in our mind. We can develop new pathways that lead to acceptance, growth and freedom. 

Here are some intentional ways to break free from the bondage of your internal war caused by repeating negative thoughts and learn new paths of coping and being. We can choose to live in fullness, growth, freedom and peace.

Paths to a Growth Mindset

1. Acknowledge and embrace imperfections and trials.

Hiding from or avoiding our weaknesses and trials of life means we’ll never overcome them. 

2. View challenges as opportunities. 

Having a growth mindset means embracing opportunities for self-improvement. 

3. Try different tactics. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all model for learning and growing. What works for one person may not work for another. 

4. Stop seeking approval. 

When we prioritise approval over self, we limit our potential for growth. 

5. Think realistically about time and effort. 

It takes time to grow. Don’t expect mastery right away. 

6. Value the process over the end result. 

Embrace the process of becoming, and don’t mind when it continues beyond an expected time frame. 

7. Cultivate a sense of purpose. 

Keep the big picture in mind. 

8. Celebrate growth with others. 

If we truly appreciate growth, we need to share our progress with others. 

9. View criticism as positive. 

We don’t have to use that trite term, “constructive criticism,” but we do have to believe in the concept. 

10. Disassociate improvement from failure. 

Stop assuming that “room for improvement” translates into failure. 

11. Learn from other people’s mistakes. 

It’s not always wise to compare yourself to others, but it is important to realise that humans share similar struggles and we can learn from each other. 

12. Take risks in the company of others. 

Stop trying to save face all the time, let them see us mess up now and then. It will make it easier to take risks in the future. 

13. Take ownership over our attitude. 

Once we develop a growth mindset, we need to own it. Acknowledging ourselves as someone who possesses a growth mentality and be proud to let it guide us throughout our short journey called life.

14. Love. We have the capacity to love ourselves as much as we love the person most dear to us, so Love. 

15. Choice. Making choices is an opportunity afforded by our free will. So choose fulfillment, growth, freedom, peace! 

Tundi Jones MA, LPC