A very dear mentor of mine once said, “We are all storytellers; the story’s first teller is our self, and the first listener is our self.” Stories are part of our DNA. Our ancient ancestors would sit around a fire and tell stories. It’s how they communicated hundreds of years ago. And it’s how we usher in the next generation. Without stories we would have close to nothing…. stories are in the grand scheme of things ‘everything’.
Stories can have many different meanings. They can morph themselves within the nature of the story itself and they can be intended for specific audiences and circumstances. A story can even take many shapes, such as a novel, a poem, play, tv show, movie, visuals, audio, the list goes on. For me, using storytelling in counseling sessions can be very profound and healing.
What’s most important here is the process of remembering our own stories and how this is not only important for us as a human species, but vital to our entire self – our mind, body, soul, and spirit. Stories can make us whole again. When we remember pieces of our story, history and past memories can then be revealed no matter how boring or even awful that memory is. When history is revealed, we can clearly recognize the trail of stories that formulate our own life. This knowledge affords our life choices and restores us the power to manifest our own unique destiny in a conscious way.
Right now, whether you like it or not, you are simultaneously making stories and history. You are choosing to breathe while you read this blog post right now. You are modifying each choice and action that you make each day. Sometimes conscious sometimes unconscious. Whether you choose to or not, you are living testament to your words, beliefs, and family/friends. Each day you move from actions that are set forth from past events, then in turn establish your own future. Isn’t that wild?!
I say all of this because helping clients ‘remember their story’ is a huge part of my work as a counselor. It helps me and the client find the origins of their stories in order to create awareness and reconciliation behind the tragedies, successes, life patterns, culture, and past events that have shaped them into who they are as a person up until this point in their life. With this recognition and resolution of their past, they can then move forward and heal their life story in order to create a better path for others. This healing process creates a profound awareness that turns into a presence that is crucial to their processing and moving beyond their blockages into positive growth and change.
The essence of healing can be quite simple. What it all boils down to is that you must learn to love your life story. What do I mean by ‘your life story? Well, it’s the personal issues, the family dynamics, all of your burdens, all of your challenges, the list goes on. Of course, you may not like your own story or even think you deserve what you’ve inherited. But you’ve got to learn to love it in a way that transforms it.
Therefore, this blog post in some ways can be an invitation. An invitation to dig deep. Even if you don’t like what you’re finding out about yourself, keep digging. You have something beautiful underneath all of that digging. All of us have something no matter how broken we are. When you dig deep you will expose the joy, love, dignity, and sweetness that is what many call ‘your birthright’. It’s here that you will find your passion and the innate potential to co-create a future where your deepest dreams can come true, and at the same time, establish wholeness for yourself, your ancestors, and your children.
My prerequisite to writing this blog and doing this work as a counselor today is that I too had to remember my own story by unearthing it. What I have found with my clients and myself when we unearth our stories is five powerful blessings. The blessings of forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, gratitude, and peace. These blessings were there all along, but often are buried by grief, regret, resentment, and/or indifference.
My blessing to you reading this blog is that may you begin to dig into your own story with tenderness, curiosity, and consideration for all that has transpired before you. If you truly want to heal your story and discover you who are then it all starts by digging.
A Gratitude Practice that can help you find a starting point:
A fun and tender way to start remembering your own story is this gratitude practice below.
Read the following beginnings of the sentences below and see what words seem to naturally flow and what others cause friction. If they flow well, then great, keep practicing! You can step it up a little and practice with a partner taking turns in speaking and listening.
If the sentences cause negative thoughts/friction, then spend more than a minute on each one by writing it down and then come back to it later. What’s fun about this practice is that throughout your life these statements can create different interactions and feelings to your self-relationship.
Some things I love about being alive on Earth are….
A place that was magical to me as a child was….
My favorite activities include….
Someone who helped me believe in myself is or was….
Some things I appreciate about myself are….
*And remember, gratitude is a practice. To find power and wisdom we must be able to see the hard parts of our lives clearly and respond constructively. Gratitude is a great resource for building, understanding, and ultimately ‘remembering our story’.
Ben Marchman MS, CLC
LIFE COACH, ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR, TRAUMA INFORMED CLINICIAN, SOMATIC PRACTITIONER, AND ECOTHERAPIST