Is your life not working for you?
Do you desperately want something to change?
“You change for two reasons. Either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.”
– Unknown
Maybe you’re not happy in your relationship with your significant other. Or you have so many obligations and responsibilities that you don’t have time to do what is important to you or do the things you enjoy? Maybe you’re so busy taking care of other people’s needs that you can’t find a way to make time for yourself. Or maybe you’re tolerating something in your life that doesn’t match your values or your true desire.
In those quiet moments when you are alone before bed or first thing when you wake up, the frustration and resentment rises up inside of you. You wonder, “How did my life come to this?” You’re not sure how to change it, but you know you can’t keep going like this much longer. Nor do you want to. It’s not living – just surviving.
Often, when a client expresses this as their reality, I immediately know that one of the things we need to address is teaching them how to set healthier boundaries.
Personal Boundaries help us take ownership of and protect ourselves. They are our personal security. If we are uncertain or confused about our value and our perimeters of self, it’s logical to realize that others are going to be very confused about where our boundaries lie. This confusion can create great pain and even despair in our lives, just as having poor perimeters of our homes or bank accounts would.
Setting healthier personal boundaries are our way of teaching people how we want to be treated, and how we set boundaries in our personal and professional lives is reflective of how we view ourselves.
So, let’s look closer at your boundaries.
How are you teaching other people to treat you with your boundaries?
– Do you struggle with the fear of saying ‘no’ to something to avoid rejection or abandonment?
– Do you have people in your life who frequently leave you feeling unhappy or hurt?
– Do other people’s mood and behavior dictate your level of happiness and sadness?
– Do you often find that you have individuals in your life who aren’t taking responsibility for themselves who you feel responsible for?
How are you taking care of yourself with your boundaries?
– What areas of your life have you neglected because your time and energy is spent focused on others?
– Do you feel like you have lost yourself and your joy in life?
– Do you often feel depressed, exhausted and unsupported?
– Do you find yourself frequently ignoring your own uncomfortable feelings and trying to fix or change other peoples’ uncomfortable feelings?
Many of us have never learned how to not let the urgencies of life and others take from us in unhealthy ways. Further, we have been damaging to ourselves because we haven’t understood how to own and feel empowered in our lives.
Thus, deciding what you will say “Yes” to and what you will say “No” to in your life is vitally important. You alone are the creator of your life. And the quality and enjoyment of your life is created by your boundaries.