“Tell yourself that emotions are not bad. Instead, recognize it as an important signal telling you that something needs your attention.”
How do I feel through my pain?
You’ve heard it from your Therapist. You’ve read it in books.You hear it from your friends and loved ones. You can’t run from your emotional pain. You have to sit with your feelings and work through painful emotions to experience healing. However, I don’t know anyone who wants to feel strong, painful emotions, much less sit in their pain. And for the brief moments they do, the emotions frequently feel overwhelming, bottomless, and unbearable.
Clients and friends often ask me how to work through the feelings they do not want to face in a somewhat bearable and productive way so they can begin to experience some healing? Of course my answer is that the idea way to work through their painful emotions is with a Therapist who they trust, who can guide them through that journey with love, acceptance, grace, and support. Yet, what about those moments outside of counseling sessions, when those painful emotions arise?
Since most of us grow up avoiding or pushing down unwanted emotions, a large part of the healing process begins with first being aware of our emotions, actually allowing them to surface, and then learning to welcome them. I have found it helpful for people to have a guide to help them feel through negative emotions during the healing process, and especially to help them cope with strong painful emotions in the uncomfortable moments.
When you feel an uncomfortable or painful emotion surfacing:
1. Tell yourself that emotions are not bad. Instead, recognize it as an important signal telling you that something needs your attention.
2. Name the feeling. Try to put a word to it, or as many words as you need to. Keep a list of feeling words if it helps you.
3. Remember that it is just a feeling. It is not bottomless and it won’t last forever. Don’t give it more power than it has
4. Sit with the feeling. Though it is a natural urge to want to escape it, choose to take a few deep breaths, and allow it to be there. Accept that it is there. Fighting a strong emotion allows it to have power over you.
5. Cry. Yes, let it out. Tears are part of the body’s cleansing process. Our bodies actually release toxins through our tears.
6. Breathe into the emotion. Breathe slowly and deeply. As you inhale, imagine yourself breathing in love, support, and strength. Continue this while feeling the emotion as it slowly becomes more tolerable.
7. Use guided imagery to help you feel through it. Imagine that the emotion is a storm coming through or a huge, powerful wave washing over you. Picture yourself letting it run its course as you do not run away from it or fight it.
The most painful, intense emotions may resurface a few times, but as you recognize and accept them and allow this process to guide you in coping with them, you will gain power over them and they will no longer haunt you. This part of the healing process is uncomfortable, and it takes time, energy, and discipline. Yet, there is no greater reward than the peace and the freedom on the other side
Connie Jones, MA, LPC| 770-862-6088