As I was considering what to address in my counselor blog this month, it was suggested to me that I should choose the issue of hate. I would have rejected that out of hand, as hate is arguably the darkest of human emotions, but the source of the suggestion seemed to be God’s Spirit. So I’ve examined anew what our Scriptures have to say about hatred and am reminded how relationally, emotionally pertinent, and revolutionary God’s Word is. Some thoughts about hatred follow.
An obvious place to start is to draw the distinction that hatred is forbidden toward people, but allowed toward actions of destruction or harm:
“The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.” Proverbs 8.13 NKJV. “You who love the Lord, hate evil….” Psalm 97.10.
But as soon as we find what seems a clear distinction, the Psalmist says,
“Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies. Psa.139.21,22 NKJV
As a biblically informed trauma counselor I have seen many clients who have endured such hate-filled treatment, often as children, that the harm to their lives seems unforgivable. Once-occurring or repeated offenses can be so devastating that the recipient feels entitled to hold onto anger. One observer of social hatred has noted that “Hatred is not entitlement like health care. It is a disease like tuberculosis.”
No doubt Jesus had this deadly effect of hatred in mind when he said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Matthew 5.43-45 NKJV
When the abuser is no longer in the client’s life, forgiveness can be hard but achievable with God’s help. However, there are many situations in which the abuser has remained in the client’s life and interactions are personally and socially expected to continue. Those forgiven may be unaware or refusing to accept they need to be forgiven. They will expect continued interactions from those harmed by them. When continued interactions are not physically or relationally safe, the biblical counselor can be a wise guide for the client in truly releasing the harm caused by holding onto offenses, and in constructing a new relationship to the source of those offenses. Jesus included ways to love those who harm or hate us: love, bless, do good to, pray for. With God’s help all those are achievable from another room.
by Judy Bruce
PHD, MA, LPC
Splankna Masters Practitioner